Body and Image - Woman's Survey

This survey is from Newt in a Teacup:

"Inspired by a comment or two in a previous post I’ve decided that it would be a great idea to compare our experiences in an honest, straightforward way. I’m not quite sure what the best way to start a discussion is so I’ve set up a few survey-style questions.

One thing I’ve noticed, especially from personal experience, is that it’s very hard to talk to someone else, a friend or family member for instance, who does have really bad body image/ health issues to do with body image. And it’s pretty clear that all of us will most probably meet at least someone with those issues; we can’t avoid it.

So let’s start talking to each other at least.

Copy and paste the questionnaire to your own blog, fill out what you want to fill out, and link it back here in the comments. If you don’t have a blog just do it straight into a comment.

Please do not refer to just yourself but to your friends and family as well - i.e. the environment you live in, or anything else you want to share. Add or remove questions if you want!

Remember this is a loose questionnaire, intended to start an honest discussion not solve the worlds problems."

Name: Liz

Age: 22

Height: 5'3

Weight: Not exactly sure, but last time I checked I think it was about 15 stone.

Do you consider yourself attractive? Yes - most of the time. I've come to terms with my own body, but at times old insecurities return.

Do others consider you attractive? Yes - my manfriend does at least! Also, my Mum and Sis sometimes give me confidence boosting compliments.

What is your biggest insecurity and why? The hair on my chin. Also, my upper arms and my excess weight do make me insecure at times but I always tell myself that it doesn't matter what other people think.

Have you/Would you consider using plastic surgery? Why or why not? No. I would consider it if I had to have reconstructive surgery, but that's it. Its expensive and major surgery and can go wrong. I think it's very difficult for women not to be seduced by the claims the industry makes, especially when the beauty/porn/plastic surgery industry preys on women's insecurities.

What is your relationship with make-up? I wear it quite a lot because I like experimenting with colours and different looks. I don't think it makes me look 'better' but I use it as a creative tool, part of my outfit etc. I don't wear it on 'off days' when I'm just lounging around or going down to the corner shop etc.

How much money do you/think is reasonable to spend on your appearance? Well..I do tend to overdo it with shopping. I don't buy as much as I used to but I do ocassionally go on shopping sprees when I have money to spare - I would guess around £50-£70 on these occasions.


What is your experience of dieting? My experiences have been frustrating. I have PCOS so I do actually need to lose weight for my health (no other reason as I'm happy with the way I look). It's 10 times harder for someone with PCOS to lose weight than a normal overweight person so it has been difficult, as I have a very slow metabolism. The doc has said exercise is the key and it isn't dependent on a 'diet' as such, just exercise.

Have you/ anyone you know tried any specific diet programs i.e. Lighter Life? How did that affect your health? your moods? your relationships? Yes, I tried The South Beach Diet. It was short lived, horrible and did work but then I put it all back on. It is a crash diet and the food is AWFUL (days and days of eating bacon and tomato for breakfast? Yuk. and tomato juice, which I HATE). I got quite moody because I was basically starving my body of stuff that it needed.

Do you have any experiences of eating disorders i.e. either yourself or someone you know? Not personally but I do know that some people my family know have had eating disorders.

How did other people react to this; what was the fallout? N/A.

Have you had negative experiences relating to your appearance and people’s reactions to it? Yes. When I was younger I got some cruel comments about my weight even though I didn't weight much more than a healthy child. I think people always look for a scapegoat to deflect away from their own problems. Some of my insecurities do pop up every now and again but I have a more balanced attitude towards my body. I loathe people that think being fat or overweight is the worst thing in the world because I think everyone has something beautiful about them. It just doesn't measure up to society's fascist standards.

What about positive reactions to your body? People comment on my style more than my body - I get positive comments about my clothes etc. I'd rather have those comments than people saying stuff about my body as it is MY body - it doesn't belong to the public.

How has your body image and attitude changed over the years? I used to be quite hard on myself - very critical about the way I look and critical about other women's bodies. But now I have learnt to love my body because there are many things I like about it, and the fact that it is mine, the only one I have. I've stopped feeling critical about other people's bodies, and I admit it is because I've grown up and have stopped listening to the media and dictates about what is 'supposed' to be attractive.

What do you love about your body? My face, particularly my green eyes. My skin. I also like my curves, my hands and my feet (because they carry me everywhere).

What is your opinion on the media portrayal of women’s bodies? It's horrendous, fascist and distorted. It's not real, its a distortion of reality. It has no room for the reality of women's bodies.

What would you change about the way you/ your friends/ your family/ general people see their bodies? That we are all seen as individuals, first. That the body isn't the most important thing about women. That looks come after all the other things in life, especially for women, who always appear to be judged first by their looks and everything else second. And also that we should accept other people's bodies and not be critical.

What makes you feel beautiful? Wearing the colour purple or teal/sea green. Being with people I love makes me feel beautiful. I think having love is something that should make people feel at peace with themselves, and also learning to love ourselves.

and just for fun… Do you shave legs/pits/upper lip moustache? Well, I 'trim' my chin hair and upper lip moustache. I ocassionally shave my legs and pits (normally only if I'm wearing sleeveless tops or have a night out) - because when I wear skirts I feel self conscious if I haven't shaved my legs - and agree that I shouldn't feel that way. I don't shave anywhere else, and wouldn't want to.

I've been Tagged...

I've been tagged by Amy..so here's more time wasting fun:

A - Available or Single? I've been unavailable for 6 years (yes, since I was 16), so neither!!
B - Best Friend. Lucy in the sky with diamonds ;)
C - Cake or Pie. Pie I would have to say..especially the pies you find at Borough Market in London (foodie paradise..)! I find cake a bit to dry for my liking.
D - Drink of Choice. Chai Tea Latte..perfect combination of tea and milk and perhaps coffee (and spices)!
E - Essential Item. My bottomless bag (that carries within it any number of items, including my sony walkman mp3, mobile, various items of vanity, a book, etc etc)
F - Favorite Color. PURPLE!!! All shades of purple. In fact, my bedroom wall is purple!
G - Gummi Bears or Worms. Bears. Gives me a sort of twisted satisfaction (and guilt) to bite their heads off :-D
H - Hometown. Barnet. Not much happens here.
I - Indulgence. Wahh...lots of things. Mostly of the shopping kind - DVDs, CDs, books, shoes etc. Also...chocolate, yum. Can't beat sitting back with a large bar of Green and Blacks Hazelnut and Raisin milk chocolate :-)
J - January or February. February. I find January very depressing - after all the festivities of the holiday season. Also all that new years resolution stuff, that just makes people feel insecure - blah.
K - Kids. Well, depends what they're like. Don't really like them if they're all annoying and noisy (which is most of the time). I like the ones that are curious and eager to find things out and learn about the world around them.
L - Life is incomplete without… Chocolate, my lovely manfriend, friends, my sis and parents, books, music and quirky films (howls moving castle, volver, pans labyrinth etc).
M - Marriage Date. I'm too young to think about marriage dates!! I prefer to think about moving in first (which has yet to happen cos of money and both of us going back to Uni this year)!
N - Number of Siblings? One wild crazy indie younger sister (she's not that wild but close enough).
O - Oranges or Apples? Oranges...especially Satsumas and Clementines.
P - Phobias/Fears. Quite a few things but I think some of my worst are losing someone close to me or being in the midst of a war (which due to globalization is happening already).
Q - Favorite Quote. "Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering." Yoda, StarWars. Hehe, only joking (although I think they are wise words!). I've got a few but one of my favourites is 'Life is much too important to be taken seriously' - Oscar Wilde.
R - Reasons to smile. Being able to learn, Love, Feminism and Sisterhood, Being able to escape through reading and music and the arts, sign-language, many many things.
S - Season. Spring - it feels like a time for renewal and fresh starts. I feel at my most creative and inspired during the Spring months.
T - Tag Three. Witchy Woo, Michelle (Lonergrrl), Laurelin. (anyone else who wants to take the Meme!)
U - Unknown Fact About Me. I'm incredibly shy and get very nervous before meeting new people.
V – Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals. Oppressor of Animals...erk. I suppose I like my meat. I do feel guilty quite a bit sometimes, especially as I did a course in 'Humans and Other Animals' at Uni and have studied the way humans treat animals. They share this planet with us and we treat them like subordinates :-(
W - Worst Habit. I've got a lot of bad habits - among them is a tendency to be lazy, sleep in, take ages getting ready (I like to take my time), not bother to tidy up when I would rather be doing other things, waste time just mooching around.
X – X-rays or Ultrasounds. X-rays. Ultrasounds are horrible - I've had to do a few because of my PCOS. Don't like the jelly and the prodding and poking.
Y - Your Favorite Foods. Chocolate (yum), Chinese, Indian, Spaghetti carbonara, dried mango, cherries, satsumas, pizza express pizza, raspberry and mandarin sorbet (have gone off ice-cream a bit lately). I love my foooood!
Z - Zodiac. Sagittarius (the adventurer of the zodiac).

Whiling Time Away...

Just back from being away in Paris (aka Disneyland Paris, lol) with my partner. I'll probably post sometime in the next few days about stuff I've been thinking about..so until then, some time wasting fun (via WitchyWoo):

You Are a Ring Finger

You are romantic, expressive, and hopeful. You see the best in everything. You are very artistic, and you see the world as your canvas. You are also drawn to the written word. Inventive and unique, you are often away in your own inner world. You get along well with: The Pinky Stay away from: The Index Finger

What Finger Are You?

Beautiful Pics of Beautiful Cats

Things have been a little hectic recently and I haven't really felt much like blogging, but I promise I'll be back soon when I've sorted out what I want to say in this cluttered head of mine!

I started a new volunteer job two weeks ago in a fundraising department at a school for autistic children, I'm enjoying it so far. Obviously don't have any contact with the children but I had a tour around the school and it seems fantastic - they have 'quiet rooms' where kids go when they need to calm down, they have one to one support all the time, and it's a generally very supportive and creative environment.

My sis's friend managed to get reading tickets for a bunch of them to go off for the entire weekend (it sounds great - the line up is sooo good! The Gossip, Razorlight, The Smashing Pumpkins, The Kooks, The Killers, etc etc) so am a bit jealous! But I'm thinking of dragging someone along to Glastonbury (just for a day), we'll see.

But am starting to wonder if, when I was a teen, I missed out on all that festival fever! Now I'm getting older, I feel that I really want to catch up on things that I missed out on. Okay, I'm only 22 but soon enough I'll be working, with only weekends and holidays for doing stuff I want to do!

Considering I'm the quieter, more bookish type (my sis at the moment is a crazy wild indie kid!), I think when I was a teen I sort of felt reluctant to get out there and enjoy myself. Which is why I want to make the most of things now, while I've still got time to do it =)

Anyway, I'll be back with more soon..I know I've missed posting for things like International Women's Day (I hope it was good for people) and Blogging Against Sexism day, but I'll definitely post regarding my thoughts in the very near future!

I hope you like little supercat (thats Quentin at the top) and sleepy foxy lady (Flossie at the bottom) =D Haven't got round to getting Georgina's photos off my phone yet!

Good News...

So, there's been some good news of late - I got accepted to do an MA in Women's Studies at York Uni, so I'll hopefully be off to study in October, funding permitting (MA funding is a really awkward issue, as there's lots of competition). So I'm really happy about that!

And also, I was reading the F-Word blog on Monday (link on the feminist links) - and this is what's happened to the sales figures of lad's mags:

"Sales of lads’ mags fell a whopping 14.4% in 2006, according to reports in the Media Guardian (registration required).

FHM’s circulation fell nearly 26%, and Arena 30%, but I take most pleasure from the falling sales of the vile Zoo magazine, down 21.5% to just over 200,000 copies. The equally unpleasant Nuts magazine also saw its circulation decline 3.8%.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem that the magazine buying public have been put off by the actual contents of the magazine. Instead, the business has been going online:

"A clue to the reason for the collapse in the market could be the rise in digital publishing. In the ABC Electronic figures, the digital men’s magazine Monkey, the first of its kind, recorded a debut audit of 209,612 for January. The results for Monkey, launched in November by Dennis, are not directly comparable to the measurement for print editions, but Dennis said the ABC result was twice its original target of 100,000 and meant the magazine had a rapidly growing audience of 18- to 30-year-old males. " "

*From The F-Word Blog 19th February by Jess McCabe*

So, although it looks like good news from the outset (yay hopefully the evil mags will be phased out over time?) - we will be still have men reading them online, yuk. Incidentally, I was in Edinburgh this weekend and checked out WHSmith at the station - the Lad's Mags shelves are in full view of anyone who happens to glance their way, and are definitely not 1.2 metres above the ground. I think it's just lip-service to 'appease' the scary feminists ;-)

Had a great weekend with my partner - went to see Happy Feet with subtitles and had a chinese meal to celeb Chinese New Year (cliched I know). Also bought Volver, Little Miss Sunshine and Blade Runner. Volver was fantastic, definitely deals with some feminist issues (abuse and women's relationships with each other) and so did Little Miss Sunshine with a highly dysfunctional family on a road trip to the Little Miss Sunshine contest that the daughter wants to take part in. Thought the grandfather was rather a dirty old man though.

I'm a bit annoyed at this film I've been wanting to see for ages - Brick - but it hasn't got subtitles. In fact, it's just been re-issued again without subtitles!! I had a similiar situation a few years ago when Donnie Darko came out on DVD without subtitles and has only recently come out with subtitles. I think it has to do with the companies that release films - and particularly this tends to happen with indie films or non-blockbuster films (which is the genre I find more interesting!).

One of the reasons I like non-english speaking films is that there are always english subtitles (but also World Cinema tends to be more refreshing and original!). So I'm frustrated because Brick got some great reviews, and I just want to see it as it looks interesting. Maybe someone can let me know that's its actually really bad and to not bother seeing it? :-D

Flossie Lady

Just because....

"Why are you all up in my face with that thing? Leave now."

Happy New Year

So..it's 2007 - I hope everybody had a great time welcoming in the New Year whether they were partying the night away or staying in with their family watching TV (which is what I did - albeit in Edinburgh with my partner's family).

I've got a few gripes I'm going to whine about - particularly the rising train fares which is a thing close to my heart considering that my partner is in Edinburgh and we both have to fork out the extortionate prices. I don't understand the reasoning behind the fare hitch because we don't really see any of the so called 'improvements' that they've all been talking about.

Also, considering the fact that I've been travelling on GNER trains for almost 6 years and have seen and experienced first hand the prices raising steadily and the service, dare I say it, getting worse or just staying the same. Consider this - I am deaf and they still use loudspeaker announcements and no text announcements. You would have thought they could afford at least putting up a live text thing in each carriage as I've seen in some buses/bus stops and other trains (although these are few). GNER has a lot to answer for. We pay first class prices for a standard to mediocre service (on more than one occassion my reserved seat has been occupied by someone without a reservation who wouldn't budge and I've also had to stand for 5 hours in a packed train a few times, even with a seat reservation).

My partner and I travelled on an easyjet flight on Boxing day from Stansted to Edinburgh because there were no trains running - and the fare was much cheaper than a single on the train, even with taxes added (£20ish each - a train fare would likely be around £40 with a young person's railcard). It was a bit of a hassle getting there as its about a 30 minute drive from where I live - and then we had to check in and go through security and then wait around for about an hour, but I have to say it's much more exciting and has better service by far compared to trains, even on a budget airline.

I don't think it would be convenient to fly all the time though - Edinburgh's airport isn't close to my partner's house and Stansted isn't easy to get to without a car (my dad drove us on boxing day). Which is why I feel so angry and frustrated with the rising train fare prices.

My new year 'resolutions' are just generally to have a good year, much better than last year which was difficult for my family - my sister being unhappy, my dad being unhappy and my mum being unhappy. I just hope they all find some happiness in this coming year. My other main resolution is - yes its cliched - to lose weight and get fit.

Especially considering I have PCOS and a danger of diabetes. Its not to do with my appearance because I am happy with myself and the way I look (most of the time!). I do feel quite unhealthy because I don't exercise regularly enough and love my chocolate! My doctor thinks exercise is the key as I've got a very slow metabolism - and despite eating healthily, exercise is the only thing that will help. So...I'll be getting active this year! :)

I think it was quite a good year for me personally as years go - graduating, going on holiday, finding feminism and going on the Reclaim the Night march. And finding more confidence in myself socially towards the end of the year.

But whatever this year brings, I hope everyone is well and happy.

Season's Greetings

I hope everyone has had a good Christmas - mine was a chocolate fest :)

I'm just checking in to wish everybody a Happy New Year, and best wishes for 2007.

I'm in Edinburgh with my partner's family for Hogmanay - we flew back from London last night as my partner had work today. But I bought The Second Sex with some book tokens today! :)

I'll post something more coherent in the New Year :)

Best wishes everyone xxx

What I've Been Listening To

1. Truly Madly Deeply - Savage Garden

2. I Want You - Savage Garden

3. Break Me, Shake Me - Savage Garden

4. Here With Me - Dido

5. Suspicious Minds - Elvis Presley

6. Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day

7. Do You Want To - Franz Ferdinand

8. I Don't Feel Like Dancin' - Scissor Sisters

9. Come Away With Me - Norah Jones

10. Girlfriend - Michael Jackson

11. I Put A Spell On You - Nina Simone

12. How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You) - Marvin Gaye

13. Sexual Healing - Marvin Gaye

14. Back and Forth - Aaliyah

15. Are You That Somebody - Aaliyah

16. Love Me Do - The Beatles

17. When Doves Cry - Prince

18. Dangerous - Michael Jackson

19. Don't Want To Miss A Thing - Aerosmith

20. To The Moon and Back - Savage Garden

- Top 20 played Tracks on my MP3 at the moment!

Things

I've been a bit frazzled this week by the fact that I've been going to bed way too late every night (1am anyone??) and thus I've been really tired for my volunteer job at CancerBackup (incidentally, it's going well, tiring, but they need the help!) - but I've been enjoying it even though I had to have a nap as soon as I came home this afternoon (slept from 3pm-6pm erk).

Anyway, after much deliberation, I've decided to post a pic of me (and my lovely sister) and put up a few pics of reclaim the night. One reason for posting a pic of myself is that if I meet up with anyone at future protests and so on, I want to make sure they recognise me! And also, I've been blogging for a while and haven't had any nasty trolls (yet...) so I think I may be okay(ish). If not then I'll take the photo down, but for the meantime I'll keep it up.

Me and My Sis pretending to be Ninjas on the way to reclaim the night:

Me and My sis without our Ninja disguises:

My sis is the dark haired one (she's so good at pulling faces by the way!) and I'm on the left.

**Eww..blogger isn't letting me add photos of reclaim the night..I'll keep trying so watch this space. I've just got a photo of the end going into the venue and some dark blurry ones..I guess taking photos didn't feature very much (shouting did though!).**

On another note, its my 22nd birthday on Saturday woohoo. Feel a bit funny reaching 22 (the next 'milestone' will be 25) but I'm sure I'll get used to it. 21 has been an interesting age: I graduated, found feminism and grew up quite alot (although I'm still partial to a 'mad hour' when I laugh alot and run amok, general high spirit tomfoolery!) and decided certain things about my life (ie. that I want to study some more, hehe) and my relationships have gotten more richer with friends and my partner and family. And all I can say is that I've still got a lot to learn and the rest of my life to learn it. But I think I've reached one of those points where I'm happy with who I am.

Another Fabby Test...

You are The Hierophant

Divine Wisdom. Manifestation. Explanation. Teaching.

All things relating to education, patience, help from superiors.The Hierophant is often considered to be a Guardian Angel.

The Hierophant's purpose is to bring the spiritual down to Earth. Where the High Priestess between her two pillars deals with realms beyond this Earth, the Hierophant (or High Priest) deals with worldly problems. He is well suited to do this because he strives to create harmony and peace in the midst of a crisis. The Hierophant's only problem is that he can be stubborn and hidebound. At his best, he is wise and soothing, at his worst, he is an unbending traditionalist.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Which Inspiring Woman Are You?

Congratulations!

You are Simone de Beauvoir

Simone de Beauvoir (1908 – 1986) was a French writer and philosopher who scandalised 1950s Western society with her profound analysis of women’s oppression, “The Second Sex”. The book became a cornerstone of the feminist movement in the 1970s, and remains controversial today. In it De Beauvoir argues that women have historically been considered as deviant from a masculine norm – they are always defined in relation to men as “the Other”, and this has limited what women can achieve. As an existentialist, De Beauvoir believed that women are as capable as men of free choice, and that they must use this freedom to transcend the role of the Other that they are cast in.

Simone de Beauvoir studied philosophy and mathematics in Paris, where she met Jean-Paul Sartre, who became her lifelong companion. They had an unconventional, sexually open but devoted relationship until he died in 1980. De Beauvoir became more politically active in later life, particularly around women’s rights, and died in 1986. Her funeral was attended by thousands, and the newspaper headlines read: “Women, you owe her everything!”

Take the Test at Inspiring Women - have fun!

Cats and Fireworks...Not a good Combination!

So..I haven't been up to much lately. I've been offered a volunteer experience with Cancer Backup as they get a lot of mail in the run up to Xmas, so I'm going in next week to have a look around and meet people. It should start next week, so I think it's something to do and something to add to my CV.

Our three cats (Quentin, Flossie and Georgina) have been totally freaked out about the fireworks this weekend so have been allowed to fur up the living room furniture so we can keep them company. Flossie likes to hide under the video and dvd cupboard and Georgina likes to sit on me covering my previously immaculate black trousers with white fur. I'm not sure what Quentin does but he tends to sit on my mum when she falls asleep and demand her attention (he's extremely vocal).

My mum, my sis and I went to Alexandra Palace to see the firework display on Saturday, the fireworks were great this year. We shared a few chips and gazed up with our mouths open (strangely enough, we didn't catch any flies). It was so loud though, I managed to turn my hearing aids off in time but we were almost right underneath them, lol.

I've been commenting over at Amananta's as she needs some hope and strength at the moment. So please go over and give her some strength and solidarity. It's hard to constantly blog about feminism and things that matter to you because its not only draining, but people can be extremely cruel and bitchy, especially on the internet when they think nobody's going to call them out on it. Well, I hope they're proud of themselves. Feminists should work together, no matter what they believe in: we all want women to be empowered and liberated from patriarchy.

I'm blogging really late, so it's off to bed for me.

Alive and Kicking!!

I've been away for a while..just generally being kept rather busy! I went away to North Yorkshire with my sister, Gran and Mum last week - the weather was mostly wet and miserable but we managed to have quite a nice break. We spent a day in York (it was bizarre to be there when I don't actually live there anymore!) and we also went to Whitby and Robin Hoods Bay. Robin Hoods Bay was rather lovely - a proper bay and a nice beach even tho the sky was overcast and the tide was coming in when we were there. I really love going to beaches when it's overcast because it seems more refreshing and moody. North Yorkshire really is one of my favourite places - the moody atmospheric moors, the seaside (despite the tourist trappings!) and the general friendliness of most of the people. It was nice to get away from it all if only for a few days! We were in the middle of the rolling Yorkshire Wolds staying in a rented cottage. If I manage to figure out how to put pics up I will one day!

I also went to Edinburgh to see my partner at the weekend and stayed til yesterday. The festival was in full swing, kind of annoying since there were so many people crowding up the streets! But the atmosphere is usually quite cool during the festival - last year it was buzzing. I didn't really do anything as both of us are hard up saving our money for Nice (we go away on 2nd September for two weeks). I did however go to the Ron Mueck exhibition that everyone's been raving about. It was okay..the concepts were interesting - crossroads within life, things that are familiar to us, that we all share as human beings and so on. I suppose I'm a little bit of a snob when it comes to art, I know what I like (Frida Kahlo, Van Gogh, etc). It was interesting nevertheless!

My sister got her GCSE results today (Thursday 24th), and seems much happier, we are all very proud of her. She got a B for everything (English lit+lang, maths, RS, ICT) except two C's for Double Science and a C for Art. She's been quite low recently so hopefully she feels more confident now she knows what she's got. She's also going to the Reading Festival tomorrow for the day, it sounds like fun! :)

Anyway..I've been tagged by LonerGrrl:

1. One book that changed your life? Beauty and Misogyny By Sheila Jeffreys. I think this book introduced and validated my concerns about patriarchy and the problems with our society. I think I owe Sheila a big thanks for making me think deeply about the importance of feminism.
2. One book you have read more than once? Wow, loads! I'm a real bookworm/booklover and I've read a lot of books more than once. I suppose if I was going to pick one then I would pick either Woman on the Edge of Time by Marge Piercy or Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte.
3. One book you would want on a desert island? Hmm..something really big! Perhaps Les Miserables by Victor Hugo or Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell. Or I could re-read Lord of the Rings again...
4. One book that made you laugh? Equal Rites by Terry Pratchett. All Pratchett's Discworld books make me laugh..it's real comedy! Definitely read one of his books if you want something to make you laugh.
5. One book that made you cry? The Virgin Blue by Tracy Chevalier. Such a sad book :-*(
6. One book you wish had been written? "The Truth about Patriarchy". Lol!
7. One book you wish had never been written? The Bible...not very original, am I! 8. One book you are currently reading? I'm between books at the moment! I'm likely to read one of the following next: Sex Wars (Marge Piercy) or The Green Dwarf (Early Charlotte Bronte).
9. One book you have been meaning to read? Anything by Andrea Dworkin, particularly Pornography. I need to catch up on my feminist reading! There are lots of books I've been meaning to read because reading is my life-buoy.
10. Now tag five people. Most people have been tagged but I'll just tag everyone who hasn't been tagged already. Also, I tag Rambo :-)


There's plenty for me to do at the moment, so I'll likely be busy for the next week with packing and so on, although I may blog before I go off to Nice. I'm still thinking of feminist matters but at the moment I feel as though I need to read more about it and figure out how I'm feeling and what I can do about it. I'm definitely thinking of going to Reclaim the Night this year and dragging my sis and mum along with me! I also need to think about what I'm going to do about doing an MA and working etc. I'll probably volunteer until my MA comes up next September but obviously I need to get some funding. I'm in two minds whether to do Sociology or Women's Studies!

Anyway..until next time!

"Summer days, drifting away, Into oh, those summer nights!"

It's been a while - lots has been happening recently! I got a 2.1 degree by the way, which I'm really happy about, I had my graduation ceremony on Thursday so I was up in York staying at a B+B with my family til Friday. I moved out of my house two weeks ago back home to Barnet (North London). I can't say that it's really sunk in yet, but I'm sure it will soon enough. I didn't really believe I had a 2.1 until I actually saw the certificate at the graduation ceremony!

Its been very busy, what with the unpacking etc, so I haven't really had time to sit down and post recently. This is going to be quite a short post because it's another hectic day - my parents, my sister and I are off to Paris for four days tomorrow morning so I'm packing yet again! It seems that I've been living out of a suitcase ever since I moved home...it's probably contributing to the feeling that I'm not really 'home' yet.

My sis doesn't get her GCSE results til August but we're going to Paris to celebrate anyway :) She is going on to do her A-Levels at Hendon School too (like I did) but she isn't quite sure what she wants to do yet - she wants to do four A-Levels but the Hearing Impaired Unit aren't sure if they will be able to cover all the subjects with notetaking etc. But I think she's going to give it a try at least (I did three A-Levels - Sociology, English Lit and ICT).

Then, in September for the first two weeks, I'm going away with my partner to Nice in the French Riviera which should be great. I'm excited about it, although a bit nervous as I've almost always relied on my Mum who knows quite a bit of French! So I'll be brushing up on my French I think! It's also the first big holiday that me and my partner have been on without anyone else (we went to Paris for 4 days a few years ago though).

I'm also going to think about doing a Masters Degree (MA) in either Women's Studies or Sociology. I would love to do Women's Studies but I'm not sure whether it would fit with the kind of job I want to do...but you never know! The more 'logical' thing to do would be to do a sociology research MA and carry on the research project I did about deafness in society etc. I'm in two minds about it really so I'm going to take a closer look at courses at York and then maybe London or elsewhere. I would love to go back to York though, I love it there.

Back to the present though...I'm starting to feel the stress with packing so I'll have to go and get down to it! I hope everyone who stops by has a good week and weekend :)

Liz xxx

Confessions of a Chilled out Mind

Its been a while again, mostly because I've been collecting my thoughts and not doing much at all - just watching trash on TV, eating and occasionally deciding that I need to complete random tasks like taking books back to the University library and making lists for moving out and so on. My partner came to York for the weekend, which was great, a break from the mundane things!

I kind of like making lists, I always have. I used to make 'profile' lists when I was younger (wow, that makes me feel every inch the 21 year old I am!) of my likes and dislikes and so on. But I still adore making 'to-do' lists or 'best rock songs of all time' or 'inspiring people' or whatever - I've think I've made a couple in previous posts. In some ways, making lists is one of those creative and oddly satisfying things that don't really need to be done but people do it anyway =D

I haven't really written much poetry in the past three years, maybe University takes so much of your time that you can't really focus your creativity on other things much. Or maybe it's just that I haven't found myself in the right frame of mind to actually write much apart from essays and so on. A lot of the time, I have bursts of inspiration that makes me write poetry or lyrics (whatever they are). It's not really a constant thing, although I know some writers write all the time in order that they don't lose the ability to think creatively or whatever. I do sometimes hit a point when I feel as though I have writer's block, even though I think it's just creative 'boredom' when you don't know what to write about.

However, I have generated some great pieces of writing spread out over the three years at Uni. I'm my own worst critic though and I sometimes tend to dismiss things that are actually better than I give them credit for. Its up to the readers to figure out whether my writing means anything to them anyway.

I'm not going to say much about feminism in this post but there is one thing that has been getting to me recently. I've spoken to my Mum quite a lot about feminism, trying to explain how strongly I feel about things. She told some of her friends at Chicken Shed and mostly it was positive but she said that some of them said things like 'what does her boyfriend think?' and so on. I don't get why people are so bloody hostile about feminism and feminists. They all seem to have the perception that we are a bunch of *man haters* or that there is no point to it anymore. I mean, to me, feminism explains why I feel the way I do when I feel outraged about pornography, prostitution, the pay gap, sexism, rape, the double standard, violence and general misogyny.

**I understand however, when a woman has had a terrible experience, why she would hate or distrust men. I don't like men who try to justify things they do that degrade and hurt women, who think it's okay to go to strip clubs, watch pornography, act out their misogynist fantasies on an unwilling woman and so on**

It puts these awful things into context, so that we can examine them and dubunk them and expose them for the degradation of women that they are. I want women to be seen as PEOPLE, not sex objects for mens consumption, not as breasts, holes and legs or whatever it is that men fetishize. I believe that in order for women to be seen as people, society needs to change, it needs to stop justifying supposedly 'ordinary' things such as men wolf whistling a woman as she goes about her business, to stop judging women in terms of appearance and instead taking them at their individual, personal value as a PERSON.

I think the truth is that feminism makes both women and men feel uncomfortable because it questions things. People don't really like things that question their day to day lives, that uproot things and try to make the world a better place. It was the same in Africa, getting rid of apartheid, it was the same when the gay rights movement surfaced, it was the same when feminism became so prominent in the 70s. I wish people would listen, it makes me feel discouraged when someone says something like "but what does your boyfriend think?". My partners opinion matters a great deal to me and he mostly does support me when I voice my concerns.

And I believe I'm lucky to have such a man as my partner, and he is lucky to have me. I think too often, women find themselves in relationships in which their opinions are dismissed and they are rarely listened to. Listening is very important. I know, I can't hear, but I lipread therefore I listen. I tend to listen to people more than talk, and I think to listen is one of the most important things anybody can give somebody. Therefore, to the person, or people who say "but what about your partner?" - I care about his opinions and thoughts so therefore he cares about mine. We can all learn from each other if we listen and take on board what other people say, and we can either change or go through journeys together.

That turned out to be quite a long rant about feminism, but its always worthwhile! :-) I suppose when you go on a long train of thought thing its hard to stop it! My degree results come out on 27th June (next tuesday) so I'm pretty nervous. I'm just thinking, whatever I get, I've still got a degree :-)

A Long Summer

I finally finished my project essay and gave it in on 5th June. I'm sad that my sociology degree is over and it's now up to the essay markers whether I get a 2.1 or a 2.2. Its been such an enlightening journey, one in which I think I've grown up and in which my opinions and views have grown and progressed. This year has been particularly good; my tiny anger and feeling that something is not right has grown into a powerful anger and certainty that there are many things wrong with this world. I think if I hadn't taken the Gender and Society module, perhaps I wouldn't have found myself blogging about the things close to my heart. I feel so strongly that if I hadn't made a certain decision, that, for example, I had done English Literature instead of Sociology, I wouldn't be the person I am today.

I've been thinking about what I want to do with my future. Doing a Masters degree would be great if I got a good mark; I may even go back to York to do an MA in Women's Studies. It would take me down another road to what I perhaps thought I would do (something to do with Deafness and so on). But then I could maybe stay in London and do a research MA on deafness/sociology. I don't have much experience of working so I do need to go into a work environment and learn what it is like (and to get things on my CV!!). But most of all, I want to move in with my partner at some point. Obviously this takes money, but I'm determined to save and add to my savings for a house deposit. My ideal life would be to write about what I'm most passionate about: deaf rights, women's rights and literature.

I've also noticed a big debate happening in the feminist blogsphere. It involves the argument about what constitutes a radical feminist. I find it ridiculous that some so called 'radical' feminists are ostracising other feminists by proclaiming you need to give up things like beauty routines (make-up and so on), men, and so on. Isn't the spirit of feminism more important?

The ideal that we are working towards a world in which the pain of women is heard and they are given the right to CHOOSE what they want, to OWN their own bodies and to BELIEVE what they want to believe? I was under the impression that radical feminism was the uncovering of patriarchal values and lies about women and men. To challenge them, to stop the pain and hurt and violence inherent in our society. To allow women the choice to do what they want without being influenced by the dictates of patriarchy, to be themselves without feeling guilty or somehow wrong, just because they are a woman.

This should mean the freedom to wear makeup, the freedom to not wear makeup, the freedom to wear a skirt without being wolf-whistled or judged, the freedom to like clothes or not give a damn about them. Women don't have this freedom, and they are always judged every step of the way. If they don't care about clothes, they are judged incompetent or wrong, and if they do care about clothes, they are thought to be doing this for men!! I can't believe there are double standards like this.

That they are judged also by so called 'radical' feminists is a sad, awful thing. I hope it changes, I hope they rethink what they have been saying. It makes me angry, that when we are all meant to be fighting the patriarchy, people turn on each other. It's wrong, everyone has their views, whether we disagree or not is maybe not the point. We all want women to be happy, that is the point. Life isn't black and white.

Anyway, I think I've said enough for one post, theres a lot more to say but it's a lovely day and I'm in front of a computer! I'll post again soon.

My life at the moment...

At the moment, I am in a stressful continuum of time to try and get my 10,000 word project essay done in three weeks. I've got the questionnaires back, have put all the data and demographics into a coding system and put it in microsoft excel. In the meantime, I am also trying to read as much as possible because a lack of time during the Easter break meant that I was doing my lesser 5000 word essays. Basically, my days are broken up into mealtimes, reading and watching TV. Last week I only went out once..what fun.

Anyway, I also bought the fifth and sixth series of Charmed - I love the idea of witches/magic and paranormal happenings. Which is probably why I bought the first series of The X-Files the other day from play.com! Well...it was on special offer *grins*. I've always had these memories of watching the X-Files and feeling rather spooked about it all! The theme tune is rather creepy too - I'm not sure what instruments are used but its the kind that make your armhairs stand on end :-D

My lovely partner is coming down from Scotland at the weekend so I'm looking forward to that :) I miss actually talking to someone other than my housemate! A couple of weeks without seeing family or friends can drive you mad (most of friends are at home you see).

I suppose I better go and do some more reading. The computer is far too distracting...so many blogs to read and comment on, so little time :-)

In Celebration of my 20th Post....

I'm going to do a couple of lists that will probably bore people half to death! :)

Things that bother me about Society (and make me angry):

1. Objectification
2. Treatment of environments (tree felling, exhausts, etc)
3. Misogyny
4. Discrimination (Race, Class, Gender, Disability, Age etc)
5. Shallowness/Self obsession (caring about other people goes a long way)
6. Corporations (The Body Shop has sold out and been sold to L'Oreal)
7. Cruelty (every kind of cruelty - humans, animals, environment etc)
8. Torture (ties in with cruelty but the army still tends to torture people at times, and it is rife in some countries)
9. Labels (although they help to identify people sometimes, I don't like that people get labelled negatively or are defined by their 'labels')
10. Glamourisation of negative things (Drugs, Porn, Violence etc)
11. The Media - the backbiting, celebrity obsessed and objectifying kind

Things I Like about Life:

1. Being able to question things and not take them for granted
2. The Arts (in particular Theatre and Music)
3. Films that make you think
4. Feminism (because it's a force for good)
5. Sunny afternoons at the end of the day
6. Laughter (hearing and doing)
7. Proper smiles (not the kind that look like smirks or are only half hearted)
8. Reading...everything and anything
9. Writing
10. Listening to people's stories or opinions

Things I believe in:

1. Love and Respect
2. Equality and Difference
3. That if enough people shout, their voices will be heard
4. That many things have been socially constructed
5. That life is something to celebrate (we are alive!!)
6. Evolution is probably fairly truthful but it cannot explain everything
7. Fulfilment cannot be found in acquisition of more things
8. Knowledge is the road to enlightenment (lol)

"I'm starting with the man in the mirror, I'm asking him to change his ways.."

Hey all (whoever all is...)! Life has been relentlessly unfascinating the past few days, although it's good to be home in Barnet (that's in Hertfordshire by the way, in England). I'm still (meant to be) getting on with my essays, and things are so stressful that last night was the worst night I've had in ages, I believe I've turned into an insomniac. Its difficult though - I didn't stay most of the night worrying about myself, it's more worrying about my family. My sister is going through this stage being a teenager and being fairly self centred (although she's lovely most of the time) and is down about stuff that she won't tell me or my Mum about, which is a first for her really, and my Dad is still not working and doesn't get up til the afternoon everyday.

It's sad and kind of depressing cos he drinks every night and chain smokes and theres only so much Mum and I can do to encourage him to get going and do something for himself (and his family). We've been thinking of going to the doctor to ask for help but I feel very guilty if we did it without telling him and we both agree that we should give him a chance to come with us or ask for a home visit from a doctor. It's been going on for about 2 or 3 years now and I think he must be very depressed, he doesn't have any motivation really. It's obviously difficult for my Mum aswell, she doesn't really have a partner at the moment as my Dad is being relentlessly childlike and blames her for things that are his fault.

I know it's not like my Dad goes out to drink and comes back violent or anything like that but it's not nice seeing a person so depressed and incomprehensible when he's drunk or constantly blaming my Mum for things he should be able to do himself like get on with his driving stuff on the computer as he's meant to be training to become a driving instructor. It's a complex problem I think but I don't agree with him blaming Mum for things. I don't like being in the house during the day whilst my Dad is in bed and I'm doing my essay work as it makes me worry about him all the time. It's good to have some space to work etc but sometimes I could do without worrying about it.

Anyway! I think I just needed to get this out of my system, sorry if it all seems heavy. My parents are grown adults and they do need to figure things out for themselves, especially my Dad. I know there are people out there with much worse problems but I think everyone's problems are important, no matter how small.