Fate is Chance. Destiny is Choice.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

"Never want to run, Never want to leave, Frightened to believe, That you're the best thing about me."

Some of my Favourite Songs:

  1. Fallin' (Alicia Keys)
  2. How Come You Don't Call Me (Written by Prince, the Alicia Keys Version)
  3. Rock Wit U (Alicia Keys)
  4. In The Shadows (The Rasmus)
  5. Boulevard of Broken Dreams (Green Day)
  6. Wake Me Up When September Ends (Green Day)
  7. Are We The Waiting? (Green Day)
  8. Killing Me Softly (With His Song) (The Fugees)
  9. Doo Wop (That Thing) (Lauryn Hill)
  10. Superstar (Lauryn Hill)
  11. Doesn't Even Matter (Lauryn Hill)
  12. Rock The Boat (Aaliyah)
  13. Try Again (Aaliyah)
  14. More Than A Woman (Aaliyah)
  15. Billie Jean (Michael Jackson)
  16. Thriller (Michael Jackson)
  17. Jam (Michael Jackson)
  18. Man in the Mirror (Michael Jackson)
  19. She's Out Of My Life (Michael Jackson)
  20. Rock With You (M. J)
  21. Remember The Time (M. J)
  22. You Are Not Alone (Written by R.Kelly, sung by M.J)
  23. Dangerous (M.J)
  24. Beat It (M.J)
  25. You Rock My World (M.J)
  26. Don't Stop Til' You Get Enough (M.J)
  27. It's The Falling In Love (M.J)
  28. Doesn't Really Matter (Janet Jackson)
  29. Suspicious Minds (Elvis Presley)
  30. Jailhouse Rock (Elvis Presley)
  31. Teddy Bear (Elvis Presley)
  32. Where Is The Love (Black Eyed Peas)
  33. Shut Up (Black Eyed Peas)
  34. Hey Ya! (OutKast)
  35. Sing (Travis)
  36. Flowers in the Window (Travis)
  37. Have a Nice Day (Stereophonics)
  38. Mardy Bum (Arctic Monkeys)
  39. I Predict a Riot (Kaiser Chiefs)
  40. Everyday I Love You Less And Less (Kaiser Chiefs)
  41. The Best Thing (Savage Garden)
  42. Truly, Madly, Deeply (Savage Garden)
  43. I Want You (Savage Garden)
  44. To The Moon and Back (Savage Garden)
  45. Break Me, Shake Me (Savage Garden)
  46. Affirmation (Savage Garden)
  47. Hold Me (Savage Garden)
  48. I Knew I Loved You (Savage Garden)
  49. Don't Wanna Miss A Thing (Aerosmith)
  50. Honky Tonk Women (The Rolling Stones)
  51. Close To You (The Carpenters)
  52. (Can't Get No) Satisfaction (The Rolling Stones)
  53. In The End (Linkin' Park)
  54. One Step Closer (Linkin' Park)
  55. Somewhere I Belong (Linkin' Park)
  56. I Try (Macy Gray)
  57. Love is Just a Feeling (The Darkness)
  58. I Believe in a Thing Called Love (The Darkness)
  59. Do You Want To (Franz Ferdinand)
  60. When Doves Cry (Prince)
  61. Unchained Melody (The Righteous Brothers)
  62. When You Say Nothing At All (Ronan Keating)
  63. Suddenly I See (KT Tunstall)
  64. Rock Steady (No Doubt)
  65. Underneath It All (No Doubt)
  66. What You Waiting For (Gwen Stefani)
  67. Right To Be Wrong (Joss Stone)
  68. Come Away With Me (Norah Jones)
  69. How Sweet It Is (Marvin Gaye)
  70. Sexual Healing (Marvin Gaye)

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Thursday, February 16, 2006

Another Week Gone By

So, it's another week gone by in this term and I feel more stressed than ever but I'm feeling slightly more optimistic as I have all the reading I need for one of my essays and I've got 4 days to work on everything. It feels quite lonely here in York sometimes, especially when I've got free days and I want to talk to my family/boyfriend/friends. It does sometimes feel as if everyone is doing their own thing and can't really find the time to talk - especially my sister as I haven't heard from her (not one text) since I was at home 3 weeks ago. Perhaps it's just teenage hormones but sometimes it can be quite hurtful because my life isn't as full as it could be at the moment - all I seem to do is either work, watch TV/films and go to lectures etc. It does give you time to think too much and I can be my own worst enemy sometimes stressing and missing people who aren't here.

I've got a slight problem with one of my housemates which kind of started last term, she just seems to be kind of cold towards me and talks more to our other housemate (who is fine with me). I've done nothing to upset her as far as I can see, and it's causing a certain kind of worry because it's almost impossible to relax when she's in the same room, she definitely doesn't always bother to talk to me or even ask how I'm doing (I ask her how she is so it's a bit crap). The stupid thing is that because we were quite friendly before, I feel as though I need to make an extra effort to make sure she's happy with me, it's a vicious cycle as it just makes me feel rejected if she doesn't seem very interested in what I have to say etc.

Having said that, I'm trying my best not to let it get to me, although it does because it sometimes feels like I'm the odd one out since the other housemate and her are very friendly indeed. Some people seem so judgemental, just because I'm deaf doesn't mean I don't notice things or that I'm left out of what's happening in the world or around me. Both of them are very into music and so am I, but when I want to talk about stuff I like or try to join in when they are talking about music, it sometimes seems as though this particular housemate can't understand how/why I like music so much..it's bloody annoying as I LOVE music.

Being at Uni has made me realise how difficult it is for deaf people to interact with the world around them, especially in social situations. I mean, the people you live with should be more understanding about everything because you've explained things to them but they can sometimes be the worst at communicating as they become so complacent about being able to talk to each other - that they don't even attempt to repeat things. I hate being told 'it's not important' or 'it doesn't matter' - I mean, most people would feel crap being told that anyway.

I find it hard to ask people to repeat themselves sometimes as the flow of conversation sometimes makes it impossible - so it's a case of being told the short version afterwards or having to constantly stop people and ask what's happening. Very frustrating, as sometimes I feel I rely too much on particular people - like my boyfriend or my mum to explain things to me - as I can lipread them better out of most people I know (apart from my sister).

Anyway...I just needed to get that off my chest :)


Sunday, February 05, 2006

It's nearly spring...

Well..it's been a strange start to the year but luckily things are hopefully looking better - I've been ill for 6 weeks with numerous strains of bacterial colds and the like. I'm feeling better so lets hope this lasts..especially with the first signs of spring popping up everywhere in the shape of daffodil and tulip stems.

It's been a bit of a panic recently since I haven't been feeling well enough to get on with my work - those three 5000 word essays needing to be done and my project essay only still in the planning stages. I'm hoping this week will be a breakthrough and I can actually get on with it. No more wasted hours watching Charmed episode DVDs ;) I'm doing Gender and Society and Humans and Other Animals this term - my last proper term of courses. I think my spring holiday will be full of panicking and working really hard - at least I have 5 weeks!!

Anyway, I've been really out of it - when you start the beginning of the year its all feeling fresh and exciting but by february you just feel like it's just the same as it was last year. Yes I know, it's cynical to think like that, but theres always this huge build up and then its back to work/uni and into a routine again...but I'm looking forward to spring!! Perhaps I have SAD (seasonal affective disorder) - as studies show that theres a higher rate of depression during the dark cold winter months. I certainly feel better even just going for a stroll when the sun is out and the flowers are all popping up around you.

I'm home this weekend - my sister has yet another boyfriend since the summer and she's much happier with this one. In fact, they are going on their first date to see Fun with Dick and Jane subtitled at the cinema today - I'm happy for her because they are fairly similar and get on well - plus she gets the ever important butterflies when she gets to see him :-) Butterflies are important - I still get them with my boyfriend (whether he knows that or not!) - I think its a good thing because it kind of shows that you're still excited to be with them and theres still a physical and mental spark between you.

Apparently one of my sis's friends has been to see Memoirs of a Geisha and says its nothing like the book, pretty Americanized and everything. This is someone who happens to be mad about Japan and Japanese stuff - she wants to do Japanese Studies at Uni and has learnt Japanese..and wants to work there. I've read the book by Arthur Golden and it's one of my favourite books ever. The film doesn't show what a Geisha is meant to be like, which I suspected as it's made in America and uses Chinese actors and actresses. It looks stunning, but looks aren't everything, I find that films with some depth at least are more interesting than ones that just look good.

It says alot about Hollywood - it either makes really good Oscar winning films about human beings etc or it creates blockbuster fodder that doesn't challenge the existing boundaries and insults the intelligence of the audiences. Sure, some of it is entertaining but they don't stay with you for long. At the time, people get excited about them but feel let down when they go to see them. I blame hyped up advertising. Some really good small budget films with fantastic acting and interesting stories are often swamped by the Hollywood offerings around at the time.

Well...I guess it's just a typical characteristic of the West that money and demand often come first rather than quality. There are some really good actors/actresses out there, and I'm not talking about the ones that get roles because they apparently 'look good' or they sell the films they are in. It's a shame that films and entertainment rely so much on looks rather than talent...but I think thats another argument for another time :-D

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