"I'm starting with the man in the mirror, I'm asking him to change his ways.."
Hey all (whoever all is...)! Life has been relentlessly unfascinating the past few days, although it's good to be home in Barnet (that's in Hertfordshire by the way, in England). I'm still (meant to be) getting on with my essays, and things are so stressful that last night was the worst night I've had in ages, I believe I've turned into an insomniac. Its difficult though - I didn't stay most of the night worrying about myself, it's more worrying about my family. My sister is going through this stage being a teenager and being fairly self centred (although she's lovely most of the time) and is down about stuff that she won't tell me or my Mum about, which is a first for her really, and my Dad is still not working and doesn't get up til the afternoon everyday.
It's sad and kind of depressing cos he drinks every night and chain smokes and theres only so much Mum and I can do to encourage him to get going and do something for himself (and his family). We've been thinking of going to the doctor to ask for help but I feel very guilty if we did it without telling him and we both agree that we should give him a chance to come with us or ask for a home visit from a doctor. It's been going on for about 2 or 3 years now and I think he must be very depressed, he doesn't have any motivation really. It's obviously difficult for my Mum aswell, she doesn't really have a partner at the moment as my Dad is being relentlessly childlike and blames her for things that are his fault.
I know it's not like my Dad goes out to drink and comes back violent or anything like that but it's not nice seeing a person so depressed and incomprehensible when he's drunk or constantly blaming my Mum for things he should be able to do himself like get on with his driving stuff on the computer as he's meant to be training to become a driving instructor. It's a complex problem I think but I don't agree with him blaming Mum for things. I don't like being in the house during the day whilst my Dad is in bed and I'm doing my essay work as it makes me worry about him all the time. It's good to have some space to work etc but sometimes I could do without worrying about it.
Anyway! I think I just needed to get this out of my system, sorry if it all seems heavy. My parents are grown adults and they do need to figure things out for themselves, especially my Dad. I know there are people out there with much worse problems but I think everyone's problems are important, no matter how small.
It's sad and kind of depressing cos he drinks every night and chain smokes and theres only so much Mum and I can do to encourage him to get going and do something for himself (and his family). We've been thinking of going to the doctor to ask for help but I feel very guilty if we did it without telling him and we both agree that we should give him a chance to come with us or ask for a home visit from a doctor. It's been going on for about 2 or 3 years now and I think he must be very depressed, he doesn't have any motivation really. It's obviously difficult for my Mum aswell, she doesn't really have a partner at the moment as my Dad is being relentlessly childlike and blames her for things that are his fault.
I know it's not like my Dad goes out to drink and comes back violent or anything like that but it's not nice seeing a person so depressed and incomprehensible when he's drunk or constantly blaming my Mum for things he should be able to do himself like get on with his driving stuff on the computer as he's meant to be training to become a driving instructor. It's a complex problem I think but I don't agree with him blaming Mum for things. I don't like being in the house during the day whilst my Dad is in bed and I'm doing my essay work as it makes me worry about him all the time. It's good to have some space to work etc but sometimes I could do without worrying about it.
Anyway! I think I just needed to get this out of my system, sorry if it all seems heavy. My parents are grown adults and they do need to figure things out for themselves, especially my Dad. I know there are people out there with much worse problems but I think everyone's problems are important, no matter how small.
Labels: Meme
posted by Liz at
11:56 am
1 Comments:
Hey excellent blog, I like you're optimistic side! Regarding this post - it's a difficult situation and I have experiened similar scenario's with my Dad, who's an on/off alcoholic and suffering from depression. He's not too bad nowadays but I have always felt really responsible for him, and I worry about him, then get angry at myself for stressing too much as, like you said, people do have to take responsibility for themselves and there's only so much you can do. My Dad doesn't work due to his depression and he lives in a bedsit type thing around the corner from my mum, so he's happy pottering around and seeing people but it's still hard not to worry. I hope it doesn't affect your studies to much - and it's always good to have a rant! I'll keep checking your posts as I think they're rad :-)
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pixiewitch, At
8:29 pm
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