I've moved

Hi all...I've decided to move my blog over to Wordpress for numerous reasons - mostly because I'm fed up with Blogger (and it's many problems) and think it's time for a fresh start blogwise. I've managed to import my blog over to Wordpress so it's all there - including my cat pictures! I'm still updating the new blog domain so sorry if it's a bit rough and ready at the moment.

My new domain name is: http://destinyischoice.wordpress.com/ - I couldn't use fateischance as someone's already got it!!

Anyway, if anyone's around - thats my new address and hopefully you'll find a bit of time to update your blogrolls etc :)

Liz xxx

Feminism

From Brand New Feminist (Grace).

Body and Image - Woman's Survey

This survey is from Newt in a Teacup:

"Inspired by a comment or two in a previous post I’ve decided that it would be a great idea to compare our experiences in an honest, straightforward way. I’m not quite sure what the best way to start a discussion is so I’ve set up a few survey-style questions.

One thing I’ve noticed, especially from personal experience, is that it’s very hard to talk to someone else, a friend or family member for instance, who does have really bad body image/ health issues to do with body image. And it’s pretty clear that all of us will most probably meet at least someone with those issues; we can’t avoid it.

So let’s start talking to each other at least.

Copy and paste the questionnaire to your own blog, fill out what you want to fill out, and link it back here in the comments. If you don’t have a blog just do it straight into a comment.

Please do not refer to just yourself but to your friends and family as well - i.e. the environment you live in, or anything else you want to share. Add or remove questions if you want!

Remember this is a loose questionnaire, intended to start an honest discussion not solve the worlds problems."

Name: Liz

Age: 22

Height: 5'3

Weight: Not exactly sure, but last time I checked I think it was about 15 stone.

Do you consider yourself attractive? Yes - most of the time. I've come to terms with my own body, but at times old insecurities return.

Do others consider you attractive? Yes - my manfriend does at least! Also, my Mum and Sis sometimes give me confidence boosting compliments.

What is your biggest insecurity and why? The hair on my chin. Also, my upper arms and my excess weight do make me insecure at times but I always tell myself that it doesn't matter what other people think.

Have you/Would you consider using plastic surgery? Why or why not? No. I would consider it if I had to have reconstructive surgery, but that's it. Its expensive and major surgery and can go wrong. I think it's very difficult for women not to be seduced by the claims the industry makes, especially when the beauty/porn/plastic surgery industry preys on women's insecurities.

What is your relationship with make-up? I wear it quite a lot because I like experimenting with colours and different looks. I don't think it makes me look 'better' but I use it as a creative tool, part of my outfit etc. I don't wear it on 'off days' when I'm just lounging around or going down to the corner shop etc.

How much money do you/think is reasonable to spend on your appearance? Well..I do tend to overdo it with shopping. I don't buy as much as I used to but I do ocassionally go on shopping sprees when I have money to spare - I would guess around £50-£70 on these occasions.


What is your experience of dieting? My experiences have been frustrating. I have PCOS so I do actually need to lose weight for my health (no other reason as I'm happy with the way I look). It's 10 times harder for someone with PCOS to lose weight than a normal overweight person so it has been difficult, as I have a very slow metabolism. The doc has said exercise is the key and it isn't dependent on a 'diet' as such, just exercise.

Have you/ anyone you know tried any specific diet programs i.e. Lighter Life? How did that affect your health? your moods? your relationships? Yes, I tried The South Beach Diet. It was short lived, horrible and did work but then I put it all back on. It is a crash diet and the food is AWFUL (days and days of eating bacon and tomato for breakfast? Yuk. and tomato juice, which I HATE). I got quite moody because I was basically starving my body of stuff that it needed.

Do you have any experiences of eating disorders i.e. either yourself or someone you know? Not personally but I do know that some people my family know have had eating disorders.

How did other people react to this; what was the fallout? N/A.

Have you had negative experiences relating to your appearance and people’s reactions to it? Yes. When I was younger I got some cruel comments about my weight even though I didn't weight much more than a healthy child. I think people always look for a scapegoat to deflect away from their own problems. Some of my insecurities do pop up every now and again but I have a more balanced attitude towards my body. I loathe people that think being fat or overweight is the worst thing in the world because I think everyone has something beautiful about them. It just doesn't measure up to society's fascist standards.

What about positive reactions to your body? People comment on my style more than my body - I get positive comments about my clothes etc. I'd rather have those comments than people saying stuff about my body as it is MY body - it doesn't belong to the public.

How has your body image and attitude changed over the years? I used to be quite hard on myself - very critical about the way I look and critical about other women's bodies. But now I have learnt to love my body because there are many things I like about it, and the fact that it is mine, the only one I have. I've stopped feeling critical about other people's bodies, and I admit it is because I've grown up and have stopped listening to the media and dictates about what is 'supposed' to be attractive.

What do you love about your body? My face, particularly my green eyes. My skin. I also like my curves, my hands and my feet (because they carry me everywhere).

What is your opinion on the media portrayal of women’s bodies? It's horrendous, fascist and distorted. It's not real, its a distortion of reality. It has no room for the reality of women's bodies.

What would you change about the way you/ your friends/ your family/ general people see their bodies? That we are all seen as individuals, first. That the body isn't the most important thing about women. That looks come after all the other things in life, especially for women, who always appear to be judged first by their looks and everything else second. And also that we should accept other people's bodies and not be critical.

What makes you feel beautiful? Wearing the colour purple or teal/sea green. Being with people I love makes me feel beautiful. I think having love is something that should make people feel at peace with themselves, and also learning to love ourselves.

and just for fun… Do you shave legs/pits/upper lip moustache? Well, I 'trim' my chin hair and upper lip moustache. I ocassionally shave my legs and pits (normally only if I'm wearing sleeveless tops or have a night out) - because when I wear skirts I feel self conscious if I haven't shaved my legs - and agree that I shouldn't feel that way. I don't shave anywhere else, and wouldn't want to.

Blogging Against Disablism

I've just missed blogging against disablism day via diary of a goldfish (again) but I thought I would do a post anyway.

I've been thinking about my general ideas of what disability means to me.

The word itself seems negative (to me anyway) - and I feel that the ways in which society labels different groups is generally a negative thing. But I generally subscribe to the social model of disability and at the same time believe that we shouldn't ignore the realities of disability either.

It is obvious that society is set up for people who can walk, hear, see and are able to be completely independent. For me, announcements, people talking behind me, people not facing me or covering their mouths when talking or mumbling, really affect my ability to be able to know what is happening around me.

I rely on using my eyes and what hearing I have (amplified with digital hearing aids) to be able to see what is happening around me. Even family and friends sometimes forget to be inclusive for me - and turn away, cover their mouths or talk to quickly (or when trying TOO hard, too slowly).

Its a constant source of frustration when I can't express my opinions about things because the conversation is moving too fast. I feel much more comfortable in one to one conversations than with quick banter or chat between three or more people. Sometimes I wish that everyone I know knew at least a basic knowledge of sign language, which sometimes really helps me to relax and rest my eyes (as lipreading is very tiring).

My manfriend knows some signs and the alphabet, which has been very helpful for me, and when with my friends Lucy and Charlene (who are also deaf), we use sign language as well as speech (Charlene is completely BSL so doesn't use speech but slows things down for me). I can't follow fast BSL (British Sign Language) but I have picked up a lot of signs and have taken my Stage 1 BSL exam.

I was a member of Chickenshed Theatre Company for 11 years up until I did my second year of A-Levels. They are the most inclusive microcosm of society that I have ever experienced. Their policy is that theatre, dance and music should be accessible to everyone. My longing (and their longing) is that society itself should be inclusive and accepting, no matter anyone's ability, race, gender, whatever.

They refuse to use the word 'disability' because it causes divisions and distinctions and prefer to work with what abilities and strengths people have, rather than excluding people 'because they can't do something' - if that makes sense? I WISH society would do that. Not exclude people but work with their strengths and develop people's skills rather than believing that an individual CAN'T do something because, for example, doctors and popular opinion says they can't.

I've seen first hand what people can do if they are given the tools to do it. I've seen wonders at Chickenshed and many of the people there feel that Chickenshed is the only place they can be themselves, gain confidence and achieve whatever they want.

I think I owe a lot to Chickenshed - especially in terms of my sister who is now doing the BTEC there (she's deaf too), and has gained so much confidence. I feel that having been there, I've seen what it is possible, maybe, for society to be if it was accepting and inclusive. I know, people may think I'm being a 'cheerleader', especially if they haven't experienced a Chickenshed show or been to the theatre.

The Arts council have been particularly galling with Chickenshed - they refuse to fund or support them because they don't see the company as a professional, inclusive theatre. They want Chickenshed to call itself, or see themselves as a 'disabled' theatre! They've been doing what they do for many years, which is include everyone, like I've said. This doesn't just apply to people that society see as 'disabled'. It means everyone - regardless of background and so on. The Arts Council like to 'label' everything into their neat little boxes - exactly like society likes to do.

I think feminism and disability rights/inclusivity are important for me, because I've always had to be a strong woman, a strong person, to cope with what society throws at you, both as a 'disabled' person and as a woman. I feel that the important causes in life are ones that put fire in your belly, that enrage you and make you feel that change is needed. I think I'm very idealistic - but I think this is positive as you always need to be able to see beyond reality and be optimistic.

It makes me feel that there is some hope in the world - especially with places like Chicken Shed existing; no matter what the rest of the world believe about you, there are always people out there that give a damn.

I've been Tagged...

I've been tagged by Amy..so here's more time wasting fun:

A - Available or Single? I've been unavailable for 6 years (yes, since I was 16), so neither!!
B - Best Friend. Lucy in the sky with diamonds ;)
C - Cake or Pie. Pie I would have to say..especially the pies you find at Borough Market in London (foodie paradise..)! I find cake a bit to dry for my liking.
D - Drink of Choice. Chai Tea Latte..perfect combination of tea and milk and perhaps coffee (and spices)!
E - Essential Item. My bottomless bag (that carries within it any number of items, including my sony walkman mp3, mobile, various items of vanity, a book, etc etc)
F - Favorite Color. PURPLE!!! All shades of purple. In fact, my bedroom wall is purple!
G - Gummi Bears or Worms. Bears. Gives me a sort of twisted satisfaction (and guilt) to bite their heads off :-D
H - Hometown. Barnet. Not much happens here.
I - Indulgence. Wahh...lots of things. Mostly of the shopping kind - DVDs, CDs, books, shoes etc. Also...chocolate, yum. Can't beat sitting back with a large bar of Green and Blacks Hazelnut and Raisin milk chocolate :-)
J - January or February. February. I find January very depressing - after all the festivities of the holiday season. Also all that new years resolution stuff, that just makes people feel insecure - blah.
K - Kids. Well, depends what they're like. Don't really like them if they're all annoying and noisy (which is most of the time). I like the ones that are curious and eager to find things out and learn about the world around them.
L - Life is incomplete without… Chocolate, my lovely manfriend, friends, my sis and parents, books, music and quirky films (howls moving castle, volver, pans labyrinth etc).
M - Marriage Date. I'm too young to think about marriage dates!! I prefer to think about moving in first (which has yet to happen cos of money and both of us going back to Uni this year)!
N - Number of Siblings? One wild crazy indie younger sister (she's not that wild but close enough).
O - Oranges or Apples? Oranges...especially Satsumas and Clementines.
P - Phobias/Fears. Quite a few things but I think some of my worst are losing someone close to me or being in the midst of a war (which due to globalization is happening already).
Q - Favorite Quote. "Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering." Yoda, StarWars. Hehe, only joking (although I think they are wise words!). I've got a few but one of my favourites is 'Life is much too important to be taken seriously' - Oscar Wilde.
R - Reasons to smile. Being able to learn, Love, Feminism and Sisterhood, Being able to escape through reading and music and the arts, sign-language, many many things.
S - Season. Spring - it feels like a time for renewal and fresh starts. I feel at my most creative and inspired during the Spring months.
T - Tag Three. Witchy Woo, Michelle (Lonergrrl), Laurelin. (anyone else who wants to take the Meme!)
U - Unknown Fact About Me. I'm incredibly shy and get very nervous before meeting new people.
V – Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals. Oppressor of Animals...erk. I suppose I like my meat. I do feel guilty quite a bit sometimes, especially as I did a course in 'Humans and Other Animals' at Uni and have studied the way humans treat animals. They share this planet with us and we treat them like subordinates :-(
W - Worst Habit. I've got a lot of bad habits - among them is a tendency to be lazy, sleep in, take ages getting ready (I like to take my time), not bother to tidy up when I would rather be doing other things, waste time just mooching around.
X – X-rays or Ultrasounds. X-rays. Ultrasounds are horrible - I've had to do a few because of my PCOS. Don't like the jelly and the prodding and poking.
Y - Your Favorite Foods. Chocolate (yum), Chinese, Indian, Spaghetti carbonara, dried mango, cherries, satsumas, pizza express pizza, raspberry and mandarin sorbet (have gone off ice-cream a bit lately). I love my foooood!
Z - Zodiac. Sagittarius (the adventurer of the zodiac).

Whiling Time Away...

Just back from being away in Paris (aka Disneyland Paris, lol) with my partner. I'll probably post sometime in the next few days about stuff I've been thinking about..so until then, some time wasting fun (via WitchyWoo):

You Are a Ring Finger

You are romantic, expressive, and hopeful. You see the best in everything. You are very artistic, and you see the world as your canvas. You are also drawn to the written word. Inventive and unique, you are often away in your own inner world. You get along well with: The Pinky Stay away from: The Index Finger

What Finger Are You?

Gigi Lady

**The Look Of Love**

Language that p**ses me off!

I've been thinking about language and the subtle messages that it sends out to people.

For example, the use of 'girl' instead of 'woman'; the use of 'bitch' and 'ho'; the fact that swear words aimed at women always seem to degrade them to their sex or to animals, therefore less than human; and also the ways in which these words are used.

Part of the problem with the usage of 'girl' instead of 'woman' is that young men are called exactly that: young MEN. Instead of 'boys', males past a certain age are definitely called 'young men'. I rarely pick up hearing (well, lipreading) the word 'young woman' when a woman reaches 18 and onwards - even into their 20's some young women are called 'girls'. I think this comes from infantilizing and viewing women as non-threatening, a way of "putting them in their place". It slips out of everyone's mouth, often without them thinking about it. Does language subconciously mean anything or is it just subtle unthinking use that filters in from the media or whatever?

I've found a lot of people, often young women, using the word 'bitch' a lot. I stopped using this word a while ago realising that it degrades women to less than men. I've got nothing against animals (I love them of course!) but degrading women to 'bitch' is like saying "she's inferior, she's animalistic, she's beneath us". Basically, people use the word in terms of a woman being loud or 'bitchy' and so on. But I've noticed young women using the word referring, for example, to their girlfriends as 'my bitch' and so on. I assume this usage comes from rap/hip hop/rnb (its all rubbbish, misogynistic crap) - which is alarming, and also where the words 'pimp' and 'ho' are coming from.

I also notice that whenever a man/boy is saying someone is 'weak' they call them a 'girl'. I get SO pissed off with the use of 'girl' as implying weak, incapable, etc etc. It just reinforces the whole stereotypical idea that women are weak.

And women are also cut down to their body parts when swearing about them (for example, c**t, fanny, etc). This pulls women right down to their body parts and nothing but. I, however, object to the idea that women's body parts should be obscene in the first place - the word 'c**t' is just another word for 'vagina' and what is so obscene about a woman's nether regions (especially in its natural, hairy state)?

The media acts as though the word c**t is the most obscene word in the world, which implies that they view the female body as obscene (incidentally, I think this is what keeps porn going - the fact that there is that polarity between obscenity and purity - the 'guilt/rush' that goes with porn as viewing something "obscene" may keep men coming back).

These are just starting thoughts and I will probably come back to this subject when I've thought about it more clearly.